i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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