Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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