i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
