drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
