i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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