and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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