Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
