Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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