tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize