The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
