Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
