I will die if light touches me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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