Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
