eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
