it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
