thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
