Me too!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
