She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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