I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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