I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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