I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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