Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
