420 ftw
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
