I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
