dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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