my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
