He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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