oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
