How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
