tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
