The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
