think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
