Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
