I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
this is an emotional support booty call
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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