sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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