I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
