I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
