It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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