lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
