Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
