You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I smell stomach acid.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
