Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
