Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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