I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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