Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
