dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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