is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
