im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
