about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
