It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
