I hate all girls vehemently.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
