so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
