just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
