ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
