there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
