I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
