Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
handjob tips. give me some.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
