Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she smelled like a LAN party
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
