My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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