Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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