Moan for me like Helen Keller
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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