sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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