Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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