Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
