Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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