I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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